Secret guilt

We went to see the film 'It's Complicated" this week. It was OK, probably more of a female story, but some nice little touches of humour especially from one of the supporting youngsters. The male lead had wandered during marriage, divorced set up with the much younger model, who turned out to be a bitch and started an affair with his ex wife. Enough of the story.

I had the guilty secrets as it reminded me of my early married life and how I did just as Alec Baldwin did but without the divorce. However we are still married after 45 years, but I have been a poor husband from a loyalty point of view. The angel that is my wife has heard me confess to countless dalliances and one serious affair.

So whenever the subject rises on film or TV, I have a slightly uncomfortable inner tremor, knowing my wife will be thinking the same thoughts and memories, which all finished in the early 80s. My affair wasn't with a younger model, but she was one glamorous lady, the same age as my wife. She turned heads whenever she walked into any company and the amazing thing was that she pulled me and I'm no oil painting. See? Personality and a nice smile can win.

My ego was at max level for several years with her. A totally clandestine arrangement and of course I got too casual about it and got caught out - just before Christmas as it happened.

Enough.

But those secrets and memories flood back at the slightest prompt.

Apathy, depression and no muse

All together or individually they don't add up to writing or painting, hence my lack of blogging, just when I was getting going. 'Cos I am not allowed to drive, madam is chauferring me everywhere which is fine, but she sure is stacking up the brownie points for my return to the wheel in about a months time.

Christmas day and night at my daughter's was special, then on to friends at Romsey for Boxing Day. I chilled out in their lovely home with TMS on the radio, the papers and Kempton Park races on the telly, while the five others went for a w nter walk in the New Forest, just getting back to the car before the rain started. We stayed the night and enjoyed a great supper.

My nephew hosted a party on Monday and on the Tuesday we were guests at my wealthy painting pal's gorgeous home. He has been unwell too and instead of having the usual house full of about 50 guests there was about 20 or so (those who called up to ask how he was). It was lovely. Chili, wines, Stilton and vintage port.

I have started a new painting, part of the double commission mentioned previously. I will show you some progress when worth seeing. Also a book illustration job, started early last year has revived from the author's dormant state so that must be revitalised. It's pen and ink and virtually finished - just wanting the rough edges removed.

Another day out the ordinary

Went into the hospital, a day earlier than scheduled, to have my willy tubes and bags removed. What a relief and no odd sensations, but have stripped and exposed my lower regions so many time in the last few weeks, what's another female playing around with it all. Apparently my five wounds - Is that the right term for the places I had laparascopic gear thrust into my belly have never looked better.

Now the degrading bit, panty pads and control management. Must get my pelvic floor exercises going again, but not easy when It hasn't been possible for two weeks and the need to wee was ignored - hell, there was a bag doing all that. Got a busy time ahead so will be practising.

I have at least got two gallery wrap canvasses prepared for a new commission of two paintings, using two photos in Nepal taken from the same spot, but on in daylight, the other at dusk. Not sure when I will start.

Cheque received yesterday for the watercolour I shipped up North last week. Relieved to hear it arrived safely.

Whiling the time

This is the watercolour I was working on last week. It's titled 'Off the Bend'.

The accursed Strictly Come Dancing is on the TV and it's finals night. My wife is not far off addicted to it and yes we have another TV in the house, but I thought I would write in here aiming to get some odd jobs out of the way, like live chat to Kodak Help who cleared my cartridge jam for me. It took 45 minutes but it cleared.

I am looking for good quality reference photos available to artists for use as subjects. My en plein aire sketch books provide wonderful references, like a note book or diary but in pen and ink, but sometimes one needs an extra layer from somewhere else to augment the scene. I think I found some, but of course the printer had jammed. Got them now and might start work tomorrow, after the present wrapping session my wife has planned.

I then checked a pal who lives in an awkward place in a local town, dominated by railway, who might know if there is foot traffic access from the end of his dead end (cul-de-sac) to the river which would give me a lovely loop for a run/walk I am planning for the Hash on Monday Jan 4th. Negative answer so think again.

Try to concentrate on the issue

I really wanted to blog yesterday and got in and then started to browse. Again I was led into art blogs, none stop, continuous feed and all well and interesting, but by the time I had to go for dinner, I hadn't written a damn thing.

Anyone know out there why that's what happens when I click on 'next blog' ? Haven't got time now myself as dinner will be calling, I am tired after writing loads of Christmas cards and there is a match on TV tonight which might grab my attention - if I concentrate.

S'funny that

I am a bit knackered as we have had the delightful (sometimes, as proved today) - Maddy our two and half year old grand Daughter. She is a real cutie and we look after her two days a week to let her mummy do a part time job. It's no hassle but it tires us out. However as I am in recovery still, she found it odd I couldn't hide and chase with her and lift and swing and all the things grand dads do. Then madam took her off to church to see our five year old grandson perform the school nativity (wonder if all the adults were vetted at the door?) It was peace for me, but she disgraced herself on leaving the church (Maddy, not madam) the latter virtually throwing her into the house in disgust. Can you imagine this cutie doing such a thing?

When I entered these hallowed halls this evening and started to browse using the next blog tit, I got a whole series of art blogs. Now why is that? That is my main interest these days, but why? Then I spotted I had to log in, where normally I am straight into this page, odd again, but that might be Googlemeister's security kicking in. Of course I could remember my password, trying one which bombed me out, so I got help and reloaded and here I am, but now I don't feel like contributing much.

Painting in progress

Nearly - I say nearly, as you never know until it's all dry. I have looked at the watercolour through a mirror, the so called classic test where you can see things wrong and yes, I did spot one part which needed a tweak. It's a scene of race horses at a gallop coming head on and meant to be an impression of speed and power, and not an accurate anatomical image. Therefore there are lots of areas where detail is left out. Some horse purists have a go when they see this sort of thing, but I sell 'em so what's the problem?

It's like when I do my steam train paintings, some of the buggers try and count the rivets on the boiler! I ask you?

I had a visit from the district nurse this morning and was impressed. He was early, pleasant and helpful ( about male incontinence products which I need for two weeks). He is ordering some extra bits and pieces for me. I wouldn't have minded if the nurse had been female, I don't have hangups about that sort of thing, I have been seen naked in front of very large groups of people in my time, part of an act you understand. Tell you about it one day, the hidden broom figures.